Can't we all just get along?

BB's hyperbolic take: It appears the answer to all this hormone-driven male sex drive business is for the government to develop some sort of vaccine to involuntarily inoculate all heterosexual males entering puberty. This is the only way to ultimately protect females and limit males from possibly becoming predatory and actually desiring a female and the almost certainty that they will physically act upon it.

Better safe than sorry, is what I say. We simply must stop males from acting on their hormonal urges. There is no other way to ensure females from unwanted sexual inclinations real or imagined. That 16 year old female on her first date will be guaranteed her virtue will remain intact - if she has a first date and can find a willing heterosexually inoculated male willing to go with her.

In the event that a female (over the age of 18) actually desires the physical attention of a male, the willing male may choose at that time to have the vaccine temporarily reversed ( 6 hour limit for safety). In the event that the male is not willing to take the injection, the willing female will be allowed the option to have a court order issued to reverse the treatment to "wake up" the male from sexual slumber.

Think of a world where no heterosexual male ever acts in a sexually unwanted and distasteful manner (or even notices a female) and it would free females up from spending hours in their bathrooms primping to attract said males. There would be no need to wear perfume, get their hair "did" or buy an extensive wardrobe. An old pair of jeans and a cotton T-shirt would level the playing field quite nicely. Throw in that single pair of filthy Nike's and the wardrobe would be complete. To shave or not shave would have the same decision-making option as most males.

Equality of the sexes demands we erase sexual attraction. Flirting would be totally erased, buying females that special measure of comfort they so desire. Heterosexual males would show females the same amount of attention they show other males, cutting down on banter and awkward and uncomfortable verbal exchanges. Males could focus more time on things that matter to them, like not doing chores, observing more time for sports, hunting, fishing, and lounging.

Instead of developing years on how to sexually reward males, young females could devote their whole lives to the workforce, working as much overtime as possible, and supplying their personal wants and needs. Just think of how much "stuff" one person could accumulate if all you had to worry about was yourself? The list is endless. Without selfish males, females would not be encumbered with childbirth to hinder their upward and safe mobility. Being no longer testosterone driven, docile males wouldn't give a flip who was their boss as long as they get their downtime for *sports programming and personal leisure.

Other than cardio, there would be no reason to try and look fit. Baggy clothing will be the norm, as everyone knows it is more comfortable. Some vocations would be erased, such as the male-driven prostitute and  porn industry, along with high-fashion and cosmetics. Why bother with all this when no one cares?

I imagine as testosterone finally ebbs to the point that males are no longer the raging sexual problem they are now, crime will almost come to a halt. Lawyers and police officers will be predominantly female as males will simply be entertainment oriented and easy going. They will seek out non-sexual companion males, as females will be viewed as demanding and goal oriented. All in all it surely is a viable option and needs further study.

 

*Note: Athletes and selected Breeders will be given an inoculation waiver.

Hawks, Owls, Dogs and Cats

W took our three-pound Pomchi puppy, Bella to Dr. Cynthia Lipps office the other day for its parvovirus shot and observed an adult cat sleeping in the office. I commented that it probably slept all day after prowling all night and the Vet assistant informed me the cat was basically permanently helpless due to a near fatal hawk attack. All it did was eat and sleep and was actually content.

Now I’m not totally ignorant about predacious hawks and small animals and based on the large number of cats in my neighborhood, I never really worried too much about the flying predators. All that has changed in the last year. We own an eight-pound Shih Tzu and a three-pound Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix, called a Pomchi, plus we regularly are watching my daughter and son-in-law’s two dogs - a Yorkie (seven-pounds) and a rat terrier (twelve-pounds).

Behind our house is seventy acres of woods and swamp. Coyotes, feral hogs and even bobcats roam these woods, which tells me there is plenty of food for these predators. I’ve watched large raptors hover over the woods many times including Caracara (Mexican Eagle) and until recently; they were nothing more than a curiosity.

Not too long ago, to my surprise I watched a great horned owl land on the power line directly in my backyard. The giant bird had close to five feet of wingspan and it sat in the near darkness and turned its head slowly this way and that and that is when I realized how terrifying this bird of prey could be to small animals. I researched this owl species and found out they have a talon grip of over 500 pounds per square inch, as opposed to the average man’s 60 ppsi. A bird like this could snatch a full-grown raccoon or armadillo with no problem. What chance would a cat or small dog have?

My sister Connie lives out close to Dayton and she has lost a number of cats to hawks and has warned me repeatedly to watch my doggies. The whole situation has made me view these birds as a menace.

I decided to Google “hawks attacking dogs” and was surprised to see how many pet owners have lost their animals to hawks, including attacks on twenty and thirty pound dogs. Numerous people have lost their dogs while walking them on leashes and a number of folks report hawks swooping down on them while standing on their property.

My wife and I now grab our dogs any time we see a hawk hovering nearby, but our nightly visits to the backyard so our dogs can “potty” leave us almost helpless to stop an attack by an airborne predator. About fifteen years ago, I had a Pomeranian-Shih Tzu mix that ran off into the woods and we never saw her again. To this day I believe a coyote got her, or maybe a bobcat.

People who are not pet lovers won’t see this column as a big deal, but those of us who care for animals need to take note and as habitat disappears, watch for aerial predators when we have our pets in the yard. One lady suggested stepping on their wings when they pounce on your pet, as she warns they will not surrender your pet easily. I hope I never experience any of this, as my pets are like family and it would be too hard to bear.