There goes another summer!

Like many, I have a pretty good memory of our weather patterns and one of the best jokes is there are only 2 seasons on the Gulf Coast - summer and winter. Well, guess what? Summer basically ended September 1st, after a scorching Amazon rain forest August, the likes of which I can't remember. It actually feels like Fall weather.

Granted the weather has historically been unpredictable, but for the sake of argument, we usually have a drought in July that kills our grass. Mowing season normally begins in March and is played out by Independence Day. Not this year and yes, we had a minor drought a couple of times. What we did have was a very wet summer in Baytown. When the growing season begins in March, I may mow my yard every 3 days (because I like the way it looks).

I know I am going to cut my grass a bunch of times over the next 3-4 months and then July will get here and I will have raised my mower deck up at least twice and can slow way down on cutting. Not this year. I raised it once by June and then lowered it again to March levels where it is now. I mowed 4 days ago and it needs mowing again. From a lawn maintenance stand point, this is great - if someone is paying you. I mow close to an acre each time I cut and no one is paying me.

I haven't had to add water to my pool but once and this is a blessing, as the lowered water bill can attest. My Master Gardener bride hasn't ran our water bill up but once this year and that's also a blessing. The squirrels have went absolutely nuts (imagine that) and water birds aplenty have enjoyed the frequent showers. Now here is the downside... mosquitoes.

For reasons I cannot exactly understand, they see me as a blood donor and my bride as landscape, They love me and ignore her. It hasn't mattered how much spray I apply, or how many insect cones I burn, I will get hit by these monsters repeatedly. Now in a very unscientific way, I am going to explain how I categorize the 4 basic mosquito types we have here. Great big ones that bounce off me and are easy to feel and kill. Big ones you can hear and usually feel their landing also.

Normal mosquitoes that sip and leave a pretty good itch behind and I may or may not sense their presence in time to kill them. Then there are these tiny near invisible devils that ninja in and you never even see them until you have a huge whelp that itches and burns for 30 minutes. I hate these to the point that for the last week or so in August, I didn't want to sit in the back yard and chat with my bride while she swings. I tried wearing long pants and long sleeves and they still bit through it to my absolute itching discomfort. On top of that our dew point has stayed above 75 for what feels like a furnace.

I was grateful the city sprayed a few times recently, but then the rains returned and returned. I heard one fellow complain about the city not spraying at all until the skeeters were out of control, but I do not believe this to be the case. My real problem is the tiny marsh mosquitoes, the likes of which I do not remember experiencing in the 26 years I've lived in Chaparral Village. Why do they pack a bigger punch than the other varieties? Their sting actually hurts and persists.

This past Sunday we had our first breeze of the season with a cool front. I am hoping and praying there will be a change in their infestation, as I want to go back outside without being slathered in some insecticidal protection. October is a big month for being outdoors for many hobbyists, like us geocachers and hunters. I love summer, but I am ready for a break. How about you?
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Muscles, Yard Work, and Honey-Do’s

We are a couple weeks into the new year and things are really shaping up. The trees are budding out; grass is beginning to grow, and my bride is itching for me to do massive amounts of yard work on our half acre of heavily landscaped homestead. Never mind that she’s a certified Texas Master Gardener – this is man’s work honey!

I used to go out and do yard work for six straight hours and it was just sweat, not aches and pains. Now I sweat at the gym for hours each day and it appears my muscles are only good for the gym! Yard work is hard I tell you! Heckfire, I can hardly open the plastic bag inside a box of Wheaties… I mean Cheerios. We all know what will happen to you if you eat Wheaties every day.

Try opening the lid on a Power-Ade or Gator-Ade bottle with out a Stillson wrench!  Did I just call a pipe wrench a Stillson wrench? Maybe that’s my problem. Maybe it’s just because I am getting old! My daughter Melody is a hair stylist at the Rat’s Nest and cuts my hair. The other day she cut it and when I got home, the top looked like I had been on an episode of Scare Tactics.  The hair was sticking straight up, so in my elderly wisdom, I trimmed it off in the bathroom sink.

When I leaned forward, I realized why she did it. Now I look like Larry Fine of the Three Stooges!  Whoop whoop whoop!  When did all this hair go bye bye? I don’t know!  I feel like Melvin Roark’s twin brother, but that is not a bad thing, is it? By the way, how does Jim Finley keep his gorgeous youthful looks? I think he’s been nipping at that fountain old Ponce was looking for.

Last year I trimmed on my photinia and ligustrum bushes 3 times and I swear; now it would take a field-grade pogo stick to cut them back. Any day now my bride is going to start pointing this chore out and I am smart enough to just trim them back before she informs me the 10^th time. Now it’s not like I don’t have the yard equipment or anything – or the knowledge on how exactly to go about it, because I have all the bases covered. I just don’t want to do it. I would rather go to the gym and work on my gym muscles so I can appear I am awesome.

That out building I paid to have remodeled sure looks nice. It is just a shame that the doors they made are heavier than the hinges and now I can’t lock the shed. My bride faithfully reminds me of this every three days and after numerous calls to have them promise to fix it.  I am simply going to do it myself… in a few days!

I just took a peek outside. My 25 foot tall “Dwarf” Chinese holly is heavy with red fruit.  In all the years past this meant Spring is here and any second now I expect the tree to be covered with Cedar Waxwing birds on their way south. It is a sight to see and hundreds of them will clean that tree in a day or less. The down side is that I will be cutting my yard for every three days and those danged shrubs will sprout like they are being hand-fed by the Jolly Green Giant!

Don’t get me started on bark much. Okay, thanks a lot just remember that you started it. I cannot haul in enough bags of bark mulch to satisfy my Bride’s desire to cover every square inch of plant beds with 3 inches of mulch. This means at least two dump trucks of mulch will be dumped in my driveway for me to shovel up and wheelbarrow to the back and side yards and my dad-blamed yellow plastic wheelbarrow rusted out over the last 6 months. Of course a man without a usable wheelbarrow is all but useless to most good female overseers, so I’ll have to buy a new one.

I would rather just repair computers in the sterile environment of my man cave, famously known as the Orbiting Command Ship Central or work on my gym muscles, but NOOOO, I have to do yard work!

Get ready for the spring pysch… here it comes!

Who am I kidding? I love yard work. It’s great exercise and everything always looks so nice afterward. I like to bag my yard, as it always looks so clean and neat, but mulching is better for it. Heckfire, I might even throw down some 15-5-10 fertilizer for my St. Augustine. Now that I think about it, it ain’t so bad. I’ll start on it tomorrow.