18 Points Men Should Learn About Women

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I wrote this a few years ago and just uncovered it, so I'll repost it now.  BB

Recently, the question was posed about what men know about women.  Since I consider myself as qualified to answer this conundrum after nearly 30 years of marriage to a wonderful woman, I offered these hard learned lessons in woman logic.

My proof-reading fellow Baytown Sun forum poster, Dagney Taggart graciously offered confirmation to my 18 point assertion on women, (her comments appear in parenthesis)

1. Almost all women expect and appreciate fidelity in a man.

2. Shoes! For some reason beyond man’s comprehension, shoes are very important to women.

3. Women find it hard to apologize first, so for the sake of the relationship, men should sincerely apologize as many times as it takes allowing the woman to reenter the relationship gracefully.

4. Women value stability in a relationship over muscles.

5. Women love money. (I do love $$ in the sense that hubby has worked his tail off from day one, and been a good steward of the $ earned. He has built a secure, stable little world for us and our children. SO, I look at it a little differently than say someone who just wants to blow it all, and have a good time. AND I didn't love him ANY less during the lean years while he was still in college and we didn't have all the material things we have today. Sometimes, I even long for those simpler days).

6. The house is the woman’s domain. If men will realize this early on, it will bring peace to the home.

7. Women have an innate need to pamper themselves or be pampered.

8. Women need to be told they are beautiful on a regular basis.

9. Women need other women as a support group. This is very important to them.

10. Shopping to women is like hunting or fishing to men. Women love shopping.

11. Women tend to change the rules once a man complies.  (Guilty as charged.  I like to keep him on his toes. I prefer to think of it as "goal-setting". Gotta give a man somethin' to shoot for)!

12. Women tend to view all purchases as "saving money".  (Ha! Ha! AND it's true; provided we don't charge the item that's on sale... we NEED those things)!

13. Women see a mate as a life work in reconstruction.  (No....no... you misunderstand. It's "training", and I HAVE to say....after spending half my life w/ this man, he's there :) SO, now I change it up from time-to-time so as to keep him current on all previous "training").

14. The longer a woman is married, the more often she feels the need to re-feather her nest - home improvement.  (This correlates to the VAST remodeling knowledge you guys have gained over the years through our "projects" AND those hours you spent watching Bob Vila etc. We let you watch those SO you can competently complete said "projects").

15. PMS or Menopause? NOPE! It's you that have the problem Bubba!  (That's a touchy subject. Hubby and I have devised a system. When his breathing is getting on my nerves, I very sweetly let him know. That's his clue to tread lightly until I let him know I'm over it.  He truly does give me a WIDE berth and pretty much doesn't comment on anything).

16. Women are almost always right. Smart men figure this out quickly, or are forced to wait 5 or 6 days for reconciliation. (Although I've learned over the years, in the interest of marital harmony, to admit when I'm wrong. Something miraculous happened... he NOW admits when he's wrong).

17. Most women prefer to manage the money in a relationship. They see it as being a good steward of the relationships assets and secretly think the man will not handle it wisely.  (I think Hubby would do a fine job. He told me a LONG time ago; he'd seen the job and didn't want it. As long as he has some play $$$, he's content. (Play = golf, boat, fishing).

18. Smart women know how to word things to get what they want, so the man thinks it’s his idea.  (BINGO! I have my ways of "planting the seed", and before I know it...).

One wise and brave fellow dared to confess "When we consider the above habits of women closer, we can see they are not so terrible. Nobody is perfect, and partners should learn to compromise and be patient toward each other".

Dagney Taggart offered this:  "Men & women are complementary to each other. If we could all just see that each has unique strengths, talents, and weaknesses... used TOGETHER, you have something pretty REMARKABLE. I don't want to be masculine and I SURE AS HECK don't want him to be feminine"

Note:  Dagney Taggart is none other than Baytown Columnist Natalie Whatley.
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Meat on a Stick Time!

What is that smell I smell?  Is that the visceral and distant calling of the wild upon my modern intellect, or is it simply the ancient practice of cooking meat over a campfire that brings the tendrils of feral game and burning wood to my flaring nostrils?

I am excited about camping and camping we will do next week.  Last year about this time the idea came to me to form a group to promote fellowship and inner development for young men who were buddies of my son, Nick Marshall and to honor his memory and I did, but this is the first chance we have had to exercise or execute an activity.
I called it the Baytown Hiking Fellowship and it is defined thusly on our website: 

"Fellowship is offered to qualifying men through referrals by members to both young and older in support of their efforts to pursue mental health and higher ideals through fellowship with other men while hiking and camping within the borders of Texas. As a general guideline, members are those who have demonstrated a desire to better themselves through hiking, camping, men’s fellowship, hard work, personal devotionals, self-improvement, sharing and mentoring and again, must come through a referral by an existing member".

This month we will make our way to Pedernales Falls State Park, close to Johnson City for our first fellowship.  It will consist of four days of camping, hiking, fellowship, and personal development.  I am also requiring each attendee to bring a skill to share.  My skill will be GPS orienteering and operation with geocaching as an objective.

Many of those attending have lost one or more parents, close friends, or sibling(s) and are in desperate need of a certain amount of healing and this is the real goal behind our fellowship. Some just need others around them who care about their future and we will supply this as well and then there is the very real need for all of us to simply get outside and rediscover our American pioneering spirit.

Over the last year, I’ve been scouring the area for sleeping bags, old tents, blankets – anything I could find to ready us for this day, as well as looking for sponsors.  It’s my goal that the fellowship will grow beyond me and become self-sufficient and by this I mean that it will not revolve around me, but develop those we mentor so they will carry this into their own maturity.

In our group we have an age range from as young as six to my age of fifty-seven.  We have two Dads with sons, a number of very stable adults, and quite a good number of twenty-something younger men - and all of us are very excited.  It’s a grand time for all concerned and we are beginning to amp up.Me?  I want to “do like Zog do” and hold meat over the fire, albeit on a stick instead of holding it in my hand and I want to do it in the company of those who are more used to holding a game controller, than a hiking pole.

Last week I inventoried my camping gear and it’s all setting beside my desk as I write this.  One of my nephews, Andy Tallant is coming by today to practice setting up his tent.  We plan to set it up, tear it down and then set it up again.  I’ll do the same with mine.

We are expecting the weather to be anywhere between 25 degrees F. to 60, so we are preparing for anything and everything and that is the luxury of Park camping over back-packing.  We can carry a lot of gear.  After all, our goal is not survival training, at least not at this juncture, but to get away from our routine and enjoy the outdoors, a roaring campfire and best of all – men who care enough about other men’s future to help them along.
*cartoon from The Far Side by Gary Larson

There's That Old Man Smell Again!

Sitting comfortably at my desk at work, contemplating my day's activities and minding my own business, I reach into a side drawer and pull out my trusty plastic container of Williams Lectric Shave, Electric Razor Pre-Shave with soothing Green Tea Complex…liquidy stuff.

With semi-sleepy eyes on my computer screen and still minding my own business, I might add, I casually unscrew the black plastic lid and dribble a small puddle of the pleasant smelling pre-shave into the palm of my left hand and then liberally rub it onto my chin and ample jowls and that my friends is when the action starts here in the prairie-dog cubicle office.

"There's that old man smell again!" chirps the witty youngish female Engineer/Intern from the obviously shallow depths of her inexperience in these matters. I blame her response on the fact that I have a small fan on the floor, which blows the pungent (and yes – youthful) aromatic green tea-smelling facial panacea over to her desk behind me. This probably makes it smell like "old people" to her.

Doesn't she realize that as a Chemical Plant operator, it is my duty to be clean-shaven at all times in the event that I have to don a respirator or a self-contained breathing apparatus to possibly rescue her and other less skilled coworkers from imminent disaster? Throwing my head back in an obnoxious silent and self-righteous guffaw I think to myself "I guess not", as she looks like a little kid in comparison to us seasoned veterans and how could she possibly have lived long enough to recognize what should be obvious? Whippersnapper!

Never mind. I ignore her weak humorous attempt at senior citizen verbal abuse and crank up my Norelco Speed-XL triple-head electric razor and start burning off the tonic laden and offensive whiskers from my jawbones. I like to stay on top of the game and no amount of prattle from the ignorant will stop me from getting and staying there. I'm a smooth Operator, so to speak.

About this time, my partner in labor and beloved Crosby, Texas denizen Charles Kelm begins his daily expostulation of all that needs adjusting inside our limited domain. He does this by slapping his hand down hard on his desk and yelling "HEY", which makes the entire office staff jump. He then sits down with no apparent point to be made.

Charles is my friend and I dubbed him a Ronin Engineer when he first made the transition to this section of the Plant. A ronin is a term for a samurai warrior without a master and I say that facetiously, but it fits him well and he has come to enjoy the title. He's a "Mech-E" in a "Chem-E" world. In other words, he's a Mechanical Engineer working as a Chemical Engineer and he has adapted like a true warrior and he performs his duties with determined and vigorous flair.

Numerous times each day he stumps a tirade about some injustice and standing up behind his desk, he will snatch up a dry marker and draw something on the Board on the wall. Try as I might, I have no idea what correlation this drawing has to do with the subject being discussed. He usually ends up with a loud "HEY" and suddenly extends both arms straight up in the air and between this and the "shout", most everyone is startled from their semiconsciousness, as he reseats himself, justified in every way.

Not long ago, he launched into an seemingly cryptic dissertation about the inefficiency of separating clothes into numerous piles and washing multiple small loads, when by utilizing a "superload washing machine"; all the clothes could be washed simultaneously using cold water and only one big load was actually necessary; thus saving time, water, soap and utility costs. "Everything is washed in one load" was his battle cry and he repeated it at least six times, in case we would forget.

Leaping to his feet – chair flying and dry marker open and ready, he began drawing a series of circles and lines, which in his mind explained everything. Honest to goodness, this was simply a general variation of most all of his artwork, but I was ready and had my trusty camera ready to record this particular expression and I did. Opening the photo in Photoshop, I added some text, had it printed on two coffee cups and sent them to his house (one for him and one for his dear patient wife of 34 years) so she can benefit from his wisdom and efficiency and have a daily reminder to boot.

Today, both my Ronin friend and our intern prodigy are on vacation, so I have peace as I smile and spread extra crunchy peanut butter onto my Nature Valley Oats 'N Honey crunchy granola bar.