Color me Mellow Jello!

Mellow: laid-back: unhurried and relaxed; "a mellow conversation".

But isn’t mellowing just another word for over-ripening? I wonder if I am mellowing-out (as we used to say in the 70’s), but of course we were referring to a state of mind, not body AND mind.

In June I’ll reach the decidedly ripened age of fifty-five. What used to be the “speed limit” and just to be real, de facto old age. An old dude, or an old codger - you decide. Hopefully NOT a dirty old man, but still able to spark, if the need arises.

Of course, I’ll be expected to go to bed at 7pm and get up at 3am (which I have been working on for some time) and wander around the grocery store with my bride of 30 years, pushing the cart/walker for her fragile self.

I’ll sharpen my pharmaceutical vocabulary so I can sound informed when us “geezers” discuss our meds. I’ll learn to selectively shop at all the local grocery stores, so my lady and I can stock up on the deals (she won’t join me in Geezerville for another seven years, so I’ll also be guilty of cavorting with a younger woman).

Determining which supplements will give me that extra boost of fiber will be on my priority list and the delightful details when “everything comes out all right” won’t go untold, when my fellow cronies and I hobnob. I’m told this last item is a major topic of interest!

I might start wobbling around like a bowl of Jello, acting like I’m unsure of my footing. I’ll occasionally ask my lady to drive and I’ll ride in the passenger seat. Fifty-five is looking better by the minute!

Mellow: become more relaxed, easygoing, or genial; "With age, he mellowed".

I’ll buy a pair of Hush Puppy shoes! Maybe two pair and black socks to go with my Madras-colored shorts and some Jump Suits! I might take to wearing my old company hard hat while I’m mowing the yard, or fishing, yes, I might take up fishing on “the lake”, the fabled lake that retired and elderly people fish on when they retire. Ah, I can see its bass-laden reflection now…

There’s an upside to all of this to be sure. I can wear socks and sandals out in public, Bermuda shorts in winter, address 40 year old ladies, as young ladies and talk loud at gatherings…all of it beyond criticism and scrutiny.

I think I’ll grow a beard, so I can quit worrying about nose and ear hair. It’ll just grow on out into the main stream and I won’t even care. I might start greasing my hair and combing it straight back AND get me one of those golfing hats, the ones that are flat in the front and have a snap.

Mellow: Used to describe a wine, usually mature, that is soft yet balanced.

I’ll pat little kids on the head when I see them and maybe even let a toddler pull my beard a time or two. I’ll be pleasant to be around, but I might have an odor, due to the extra fiber, who knows? I’ll have to do more research in that area.

I’ll carry small value coins and candy and stuff to give the niece’s and nephew’s kiddos when I see them, more to cause consternation, than reward, as all kiddos these days see coins and candy as a poor substitute for green spending money…especially green spending money with the numbers 50 and 100 on them. It’ll be my little joke.

I’ll develop a loud cough to gain sympathy at family gatherings. It’s a sure winner. I’ll wear suspenders and a belt and “forget” to wear a watch, so I can constantly ask people what time it is and then remark that I’ll have to check my schedule. I’ll carry a large bandana and whip it out so it cracks like a bullwhip and claim I killed another flying insect. I’ll say something like “that’s thirty-four today alone” and then look around shaking my head in secret satisfaction.

Mellow: A soft combination of flavors.

I’ll be mellow all right, with no meanness, or malice. Folks will remark that Ol’ Baytown Bert has finally mellowed and all because he hit the ripened and seasoned age of fifty-five. Life will be good…