Enter the disposable relationship

I am perplexed by a mystery and it continues to baffle me. I don’t like to be baffled and I’m not sure I can solve this one. I’m talking about the tragic personal relationship epidemic our country as a whole, friends and acquaintances are experiencing with intimate relationships and the failure of this once written-in-stone desirable lifestyle.

I’m the kind of person who mulls and sifts information ad nauseum. I just can’t let things go and I’m reminded of this daily by my bride, most especially when I’m irritated about something – something that ‘gets my goat” – which it appears is quite often. Too often.

“Met a girl, thought she was grand - fell in love, found out first hand - went well for a week or two - then it all came unglued”

For a few years now, I’ve ruminated on why people can’t “stay in love” anymore. It used to be common to see the same two people year after year at functions and they had their obvious ups and downs, no sweat. Everyone knew they were “a pair” and when you saw one, you automatically looked for the other.

What I now hear is women think all men are trash and liars, with no substance and no chance of changing. The men I talk to at work (who for the most part are twice/ thrice divorced) think the very same thing about women in general (and I mean wholesale general). Both sexes share the same experiences of lying, cheating boy/girlfriends, mates, husbands and wives. The hate their Ex’s and one fellow told me his Ex makes sure she finds a way to make his life miserable every single day, even though they’ve been divorced 14 years. He stated in earnest “I would shoot her if I could get away with it”.

They speak of the opposite sex spewing anger and hatred. I can’t write the harsh words that are used to describe the opposite sex in general, when it comes to pointing out fault. Both men and women tell me they are not the problem in the relationship.

“She was queen for about an hour - after that (everything) got sour - she took all I ever had - no sign of guilt - no feeling of bad, no”

“All men are (insert an expletive)”! “All women are (think of the something real bad and it goes here)”! “See that little kid over there? They will grow up only to cheat and lie and break someone’s heart”, I was told by someone a few days ago.

Frankly, I am appalled by this degradation of social interaction between sexes. I don’t have experience in this arena though and if I did, I might be more sympathetic or sympathetic period.
I received this email message from a high school friend the other day “Hi, by the way, my boss kicked his fiancée' to the curb this weekend” and on another mailing list I Admin, was this: “Just wanted to let y’all know that the engagement is off. He’s not over his Ex”. What?

I asked my High School peers how a man can love a woman and still kick her to the curb and I was informed in so many words that I did not understand the word “love”. I argued that I well knew what love is (reminded me of Forrest Gump’s plea to Jenny) and the difference in my view is based on my commitment of love to my bride, not a hormonal blast that goes bye-bye the first time there is a disagreement.

These two email messages are not isolated incidents, but indicative of the shallowness of current standards of commitment in my book. Sorry, but after 30 years of marriage and my many attempts to correct my own poor efforts at maintaining a relationship, I realize that both parties have to do their share, which means about 90% of the work each, to keep their partner happy. I know my bride works very hard at it, because she tells me I make it difficult for her…and I am the guilty party.

“In a trapped trip I can't grip - never thought I’d be the one who'd slip - then I started to realize - I was living one big lie”

Yes. I said it. I am my own worst enemy in our relationship. I make poor decisions sometimes. I jump to conclusions. I make angry outbursts. I say things in anger that are not true. I pass the buck and unfairly place blame. I introduce drama that would be better off left alone. I am the reason our relationship takes dips.

Is it really all my fault? No, it’s not, but I can belly up to the bar and take responsibility for my share of the relationship. I can go old-school retro-esque and act like a responsible caring man and set an example for my lady and children that they can be proud of, or I can “git some” for myself and “who cares what others think, cause I looked out for number one”.
It’s up to me to make or break my relationship.

Lyrics by Puddle of Mudd – She hates me (warning- explicit)