Brawndo Series of Geocaches

Not too many days ago, I watched the totally stupid movie ‘Idiocracy’.  I thought it was stupid and idiotic and the more I thought about it, the funnier it became.  I especially loved the movie population’s infatuation with Brawndo (a futuristic version of Gatorade) and their devotion to its electrolyte properties.

Whenever the word Brawndo came up in a conversation, any and all would repeat the commercials by-phrase of “Brawndo’s got electrolytes!  It’s got what plants crave – it’s got electrolytes”.  Apparently in the future, people are so brainwashed by advertising that they believe any and everything.  If it comes across the TV, then it must be true!

Against all reason, my fellow geocachers are a lot like these future Brawndo worshipers in that when they could be sitting comfortably on their couches, they are instead wandering ankle deep in goopy mud, or having their arms and legged scratched to pieces by thorns so they look for something a stranger hid.  It’s totally crazy.
Each outing is the equivalent of a blood donation to the mini blood-sucking mosquito phlebotomists and then there is the ever-spreading poison ivy rain forest over-taking Baytown and surrounding area they deal with on a daily basis and all of this is beyond normal reason.  Then there are snakes.  Why?

Take today for instance.  For the last two weeks, I’ve been pouring over photographs of a wooded area in Baytown, which adjoins the Goose Creek Trail, using a ruler to figure out how in the world I can place 11 geocaches inside this area without violating the 528 foot rule between caches, required by geocaching.com.  Yes, there are rules to this game.

My Bride is confused (she’s always generous towards me, as she well understands I do things like this as a form of self-abuse).  “Why do you continually put yourself in predicaments like this, Hon?”  “Because I must” I spout and we both know it’s a Bert thing and sacrosanct.  Move on, there’s nothing to see here.

My problem was indeed self-inflicted and early on, I confided in my friend Levi McAllister, known as Skathious in the geocaching circles, as I hashed out the logistics in my head.  In the long run, we agreed I would go solo and figure this entirely out and this would enable him to “find” the caches and ensure the secrecy of the cache locations.  The fewer people who know, the harder the hide and it’s that simple.

Over the last week, I created 11 unique containers to hide in the most difficult locations I could think of and I must admit, most all of them will be difficult for cachers to find.

This wooded area is a wet, snaky bottom land beside a small slough or bayou and today, it was snaky indeed.  City Manager Garry Brumback came driving by and stopped to ask me what in the devil I was doing when he saw me starring at the thick underbrush close to “The Loop”.  When I told him I was hiding geocaches to attract people to the Goose Creek Trail, he told me city employee Patti Jett was also a geocacher, so I gave him a couple of my Baytown Bert Wooden Nickel Geocoins to share.

Here I was, loaded down with containers, busting brush with fogged-up steamy glasses when in the back of my mind, something screamed DANGER!  I came to an abrupt halt, tried to find a dry place on my clothes (no luck) to wipe my eyeglasses, and there in my path was a short fat wiggly thing my brain told me was a cottonmouth rattle-moccasin.  It actually was a cottonmouth water moccasin this time, but it knew this was its territory and I wasn’t supposed to be there. 

Since this adventure is getting long-winded, I’ll continue it in part two.