Friday, February 14, 2014

Enlightenment or Idiocracy and Hashtags?

 We are living in an enlightened time where almost any question can be answered by simply pulling an electronic device of some sort out of a case, or your pocket and typing – or speaking it into said device and blam, your correct answer – maybe.  You still have the responsibility to sift what you read, hear, or watch and determine if it is in fact, the literal truth.

Huh? #WhatMeWorry

“You mean if it is on the Internets, it might not be true?  Who woulda thunk?”

Unfortunately, there is literally tons of misinformation on the Internet that is incorrect, just like this sentence.  Just because you hate a political candidate and your best friend sends you scandalous or negative information on them in an email, doesn’t write it in stone. 

The way urban legends get started is the writer plans to fool you when they start it by writing a mixture of truth with their tricky fiction.

The second the unsuspecting reader sees the hated candidate’s name and a smidgeon of truth, they feed on it like a toothless starving man with a steaming hot bowl of buttery grits.  They giggle wild-eyed as their hands shake and violently stabbing the send button, they send it to all their other starving grit-eating friends. #ToothlessBum

And they don’t learn a thing.  This behavior continues year after year, even when non-grit eating friends point it out.  Take for instance this new trend called hashtags.  I hate it.  I hate everything about it.  I hate how it is being thrown in my face by every commentator on the news and buttery grit eaters.

It’s time for my version of idiocratic enlightenment folks, so listen up.

More and more often I am hearing people use the term "Hashtag" in conversation, as if a hovering computer is indexing every word they speak.  To me, it borders on absolute idiocy.  It is a Twitter indexing term and Twitter is making people stupider by the millisecond. Now it is working its way into broadcasts, online forums like, and Facebook, as if it actually were indexing key words, which its not. 

I joined Twitter, like I do every new thing that comes down the pike (to be progressive in my own education), when it first appeared.  I wanted to stay informed; nothing more or less.  It took me about a week before I dismissed it as blather and fluff.  A year passed and I reconsidered.  Maybe I was wrong.  After all, everyone is quoting Twitter.  Famous people tweet!

The second time lasted about 20 minutes and I closed my account.  There are enough distractions in this life without openly inviting attention deficit hyperactivity disorder to eat grits with me, butter or not #ADHDWithButter.

Now you may love Twitter and that is your right, but one look at the movie Idiocracy and you’ll close your account, I promise, #IWasSoSmartAndNowIAint.  Here is an excellent example of what I am talking about and it was pointed out to me after I began writing this column, #ImMadTooEddie.

Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake, both icons of the generation using this term make fun of the use of this word and how it has schlepped into people’s everyday “conversating”.

In the movie Idiocracy, two under-achievers become part of a US Army experiment which accidentally propels them 500 years into the future. They discover a society so incredibly dumbed-down that they are easily the most intelligent people alive.  Look around us folks.  It’s already began #UhHello.

Take for instance the 7 armored car robberies Houston had in 2013.  Only an idiot would try to rob an armored car with guards carrying copious amounts of weapons and many of these guards have military experience with no compunction against firing said weapons.

Oh, you want another example?  Okay.  Only a person of low intelligence would drink alcohol and get behind the wheel of a car or truck.  What is it now for the first offense?   How about a $2000 fine, up to 3 to 180 day’s jail time, loss of driver license up to a year, and an annual fee of $1,000 or $2,000 for three years to retain driver license?  Then we’ll add in the massive lawyer fees #JustTakeACab.

275 idiots were listed by the Baytown police department for DWI in 2013 and we got us 15 vying for the title already in 2014.  Oh, you think I am being rude #WhoCares?  Well, put yourself in the place of the people who are killed by these morons and the loved ones you leave behind and you’ll change your tune.

Hey!  I don’t claim to be Alfred Einstein or the sage James Finley, but when people idolize celebrities and quote their tweets as if it is the Gospel, I find a quiet place away from the drivel and read a book #ShakinMyHaid.  Then I double check the facts.


Anonymous said...

Your article in The Baytown Sun was great. I agree 100%. ‪#‎DandyDon‬

Anonymous said...

#GreatColumnToday NW

Anonymous said...

Sheeple are easily trained. Read the article, much enjoyment, fairly truthful. SW

Anonymous said...

#BertisAwesome! LH

Anonymous said...

I believe facebook uses hastags now as a way to filter. Also I believe the magic moving picture box is worse in fallacy because folks still believe there is truth in TV.

Now that I'm at a computer.. a little faq checking. Yes. Facebook does use hashtags now. This how you use them. - - I for one don't use or care to use them.

Secondly. What I was trying to say earlier is that most folks are smart enough to question the info they gleam from the interwebs. However those same folks will turn on the TV to Fox news, CNN, etc. and believe that crap like the gospel and that is damn scary. AEG

It can only happen while shopping!

As the big man is my witness, every word of this is unquestionable and void of hyperbolic incredibility. With that taken into consid...