Friday, August 14, 2015

If I won the lottery

I guess at one time or another, everyone dreams about inheriting or winning a huge sum of money and I am no exception. However, how much money you might win is in question.  How much is enough to fulfill your vision? That question deserves an answer and I am determined to find it.  Now (I hate to add this caveat) there is math involved… yes, the dreaded conversation stopper.

Let’s say you would be happy with Texas two-step’s initial lotto winnings of $200,000.00. Well, right off the bat, the gov-ment is going to take about $70,000, leaving a piddley $130,000 which equates to purchasing 2 large 4X4 ¾ ton diesel pickem-up trucks with over-sized bumpers and accouterments (One for you and one for your lady).  Blam, you are out of lotto money!

You won’t even have money to MAXX-out your truck on Massey-Tompkins and put them big ol tares and cool 24 inch rims on them trucks, so Texas two-step is out (in my book). Well, at the initial offering stage anyway.

One time over in Channelview when this subject came up, one fellow exuberantly declared he would buy his wife a brand new “Esplanade!” I looked down his street and thought to myself, well, that would be an improvement on a grand scale.

I’ve seen that program where they followed up on people who have won a couple hundred million bucks and the resulting “buys” have been amusing or sad, and flabbergasting most of the time. One fellow and his wife bought this gigantic water fountain with all kinds of cement statues and placed it right in the middle of their front yard next to a broken down truck. It was an incredible view from the trashed-out deck of their mobile home.

It appears that most of my friends want to win a modest amount, say 2 million or in some cases less and they would do incredibly noble things with it, like build a house for a crippled lady, or pay for 1200 kids lunches.  A great deal said they would tithe to their church, which is very honorable (this usually came about 10 minutes later with a second reply).  Giving money away is very easy when you don’t have it. I pray if I ever do come into a great deal, I can be as generous as these people.

My Channelview buddy was way more expansive and a bit greedy in his wishes. “I would have a whole fleet of Ka-ma-rows; the ones with the big ol stripes on the hood and all and I would park them all in the front yard so’s people could admire them. They’d all be top of the line!” He made no mention of getting dentures and every time he ended a word with an “S” he whistled.

Me? I would like to win about 20 million after taxes, tithe on that, plus a goodly offering and then build my bride a real nice house. I wouldn’t move away, buy a log cabin in Montana, or a desert isle in Pago-Pago. If I did buy one of those big ol 4X4 ¾ ton King Ranch chicken trucks, I would probably leave it parked and drive my Jeep.

I could raise my Jeep higher and put bigger tires on it, but they’re already real big and the vehicle can go anywhere I point it. Its named Tha Choppa, as in Schwarzenegger’s “Get to the Choppa!” It is my vehicle of choice and having more money won’t change that.

With a cool 20 mil in the bank, I would probably still buy 2 gallons of Ug-Lee’s gumbo and their beans an Andouille sausage each month. About once a month, my bride and I would still drive down to San Leon and eat at Bubba’s Shrimp Palace. The gym named after the clock would still be our morning ritual 4-5 times a week.

Some folks told me they would create a giant pet asylum and spay and neuter all the animals for free. Others would send all their kids through college, or buy their Mom or sister a new home. Another said they would launch out on a world tour and stay gone until they came back.

I guess the biggest revelation for me was that the big money wouldn’t really change what I want and am already doing, so in one sense… I’ve already won the lotto.


Anonymous said...

KC: Bert I think I hit the old JACK POT when I landed the old job I retired on and had the opportunity to work with good people like you.

Anonymous said...

Jenny Mills: After tithing, I'd do good with it, helping many others. I'd put away a lot for the future in something that would grow. After essentials for me I'd figure out how to do half my job on the road, cut my hours to PT, buy an RV and hit the road - take a year or three to travel the states and Canada and do a lot of outside exploring on foot. I'd go to Australia & New Zealand, too. And probably many other overseas places. And after all that I'd figure out what I wanted next. But first.... before anything.... I'd buy a new phone - I think mine is on it's last days.

Anonymous said...

Dandy Don Cunningham‎:

Your column in The Baytown Sun this morning was another good one, Bert. I am so thankful that you started writing them again. You are a blessing, brother.

It can only happen while shopping!

As the big man is my witness, every word of this is unquestionable and void of hyperbolic incredibility. With that taken into consid...