Just too weird to be true?

I’ve seen a lot of crazy and odd things in my life, but last Tuesday pretty much took the top spot.  It all started when I saw a frumpy-looking lady walking a pair of bizarre critters at Jenkins Park. There was no sign of David Berkowitz and my first thought was this couldn’t be real.  I’m pretty good at identifying the various breeds, but this pair of canis lupus had me at a total loss – not to mention the woman herself looked, well, like she was from another country or something. Come to find out, this casual meeting turned out to be something straight out of Bizarro magazine.

Her name is Nannie Goss and she’s a dog breeder, but that is kind of a stretch in itself. She’s been in Baytown for about 6 months and moved here from upstate New York “for reasons I won’t disclose”.  I’d call her a “creature” breeder, but I am not an expert in animal husbandry and the word creature was chosen very carefully here.

The first little guy looked like a cross between a Pomeranian and a raccoon and it even put its little hands in mine when I tried to pet it. I watched her give it a fish treat after I came up empty.  It made the cutest little noises which were a mix of gurgling and barking and its little bandit mask really set it apart from other animals. When I inquired, she said it was just one of many mixes she has at her kennel and is a Pomerroon.

Now I want to go on record and say I am an animal lover and I hate to see any animal muzzled, but this other “thing” scared the bejeebers out of me and my bride, who upon seeing it nearly fainted from fright. I have a friend who owns two Great Danes and they’re about 150 pounds each, but this animal weighed probably closer to 400 pounds, if it weighed an ounce.

“Whoa Killer, whoa!” she loudly blared as the beast reared up on its two powerful hind legs and growled at us.  Its weighty coat resembled a cheap filthy brown heavy rug and the beast was so profoundly matted, it’s a wonder it could walk. My first impression was the animal was angry – if that is possible.  Both me and my bride took a few steps backwards on the crushed granite trail and I have to tell you, my hand slid downwards toward my legal firearm for a brief second. 

To be honest, I’m not sure a few .45 caliber rounds would suffice in this case.  Its muzzle was made of leather and barbed wire and she jerked back on it and the beast yelped. “He’s really not a bad doggie. He just gets excited when he’s ravenous,” she said and my trembling bride buried her nose between my shoulder blades as I stood my ground wanting and needing the facts for this column.

I do not curse, but what came out of my mouth was something like, “What &*^%$ of an &^%$#@* is that?” She threw her head back and cackled and then calmly explained that “Killer” was a cross between a rare breed of brown Pyrenees found only in one sector of the Czech Republic and a Manchurian Yak calf…dog. “It’s the only one in the world and I have local orders for ten of them as soon as I can find a suitable female to breed to it.”

“People will buy those?” I asked somewhat incredulously, leaving out the words “repulsive beasts”, as my bride trembled behind me.

“Oh yes indeed, kind sir. A doggie like this will go for thousands of koruna, er, uh, I mean dollars.” Her use of the word “koruna” awoke me to the fact that she is from one of the broken Soviet countries and that explained her peculiar heavy brogan shoes, thick gray nylons, and filthy babushka. About this time, the monstrous beast spied a cat across Cary Bayou and struggle as she did, but it broke away and drug her about 160 feet before she dug in those brogans and brought it to a halt with a loud exclamation. I’ll be honest when I say that I didn’t understand the words, but that was probably some serious cussing right there.

I must admit it was a magnificent cross-fit display of brute strength and I made a mental note to call Scott Johnson later and have them back-fill the trench she dug with her heels. The whole time this was going on, the calm little Pomerroon sat beside us and simply gurgled and was as happy as a possum eating persimmon seeds.  I even petted the little fellar, as did my traumatized bride. 

I guess the woman is no stranger to getting down and dirty and she came back grinning and spitting out dirt and debris like it was no big deal. “I better get Killer home and feed him before he gets violent,” she said and my bride and I watched her walk back to the parking lot and neither of us had a word to say as she loaded them into her beat-up old van.

Once again I wondered if David Berkowitz has seen this woman and chronicled her on his Facebook page.  I guess I’ll have to wait and see, but if she has that thing out there again, I’ll know better than to walk a cat.

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Telemarketers, scammers, and politicians

What do these three have in common? Hang, on. I’ll give you the answer. They make invasive and unwanted phone calls to my house and do it with apparent impunity. The Do Not Call list doesn’t work on the first two and on the third, they voted to exempt themselves from this list because they make the laws. The first two are potentially disastrous to my well being and bank account and the third is just a nuisance.

The phone rings and the caller ID shows it’s some place in Florida. 

Me: “Hello?”

Them: “Hi!  This is Keith Dougherty and I’m calling on behalf of the Policeman’s blah, blah blah.

Me:  “Hey Keith, how’s the wife?”

Them: The Policeman’s blah, blah, blah…”

Me:  So, how’s the wife Keith?  Better?”

Click.

These danged phone calls are every day, sometimes multiple times, but not always someone posing as the Baytown Chief of police. Last week my phone rang and it was me, calling me with the same number I used to answer. That was confusing at first, but humorous when I asked the guy if I could speak to me. Of course he hung up.

You experience this also because you have a landline. However, it is getting more common to have a call in this category come in on a cell phone also. Anyway, it’s only a matter of time and cell phones will be bombarded just like the landlines. I’m sorry to break this bad news. The electronic parasites find it easier to try to scam the unwary populace than go out and get an honest job. They are criminals plain and simple.

Often this is an organized effort with rows and rows of people dressed like they are on spring break, calling number after number and reading from a script. For every fifty people they call, they get a stipend, but if they are successful in getting into your bank account, they hit the jackpot. They win and you lose and lose and lose. When in doubt don’t answer or hang up.

I witnessed one of these establishments right here in Baytown 3 years ago. I was called to get virus’ off their many machines, which were operating independently of each other – as opposed to a network. When the telemarketers weren’t making calls, they were surfing the Internet and playing online games and this is how there happened to be a massive amount of infection.

I thought it was a legitimate business, until I looked at their website. They were supposedly providing Internet services, but were actually a front for about 50 avenues who did who knows what. The website showed rows of professional workers in suits and a beautiful building, but what I witnessed looked like they rounded up their help from a street corner each day. They were no more professional than the labor pool behind what most back street parking lot offers.

I walked away from it disgusted and I’m still repulsed over the idea of scamming people out of their hard earned money.  And like the singer said, “That’s why I wrote this song”.

I often get a friends request on Facebook and it’s a pretty girl (often exotic looking, for extra bait).  The first thing I notice is she has no friends.  Everyone has friends, right, so why does she want it to be me for her first friend?  When this happens DO NOT ACCEPT THE FRIEND REQUEST! If you do, they can grab your photos and friends list, plus your information and imitate YOU.

You can however chat with them through a personal message and I do because I like to have fun.

Them:  Hello!

Me:  High as a kite!

Them: How are you today?

Me:  Not so good.  I had both arms amputated and can’t type except with a straw using my teeth.

Them: That’s nice. Hey! Have you heard the government is giving everyone a hundred thousand dollars simply for filling out a form? I got mine today.

Me: Is that all you got? I got 2 million Kranvacecs and I’m trying to convert them into pesos.

At this time they close the dialogue and I smile, knowing I’ve wasted their time and had a good laugh. Then I paste it on Facebook for extra goodness.

I work and worked for every penny I’ve ever taken home and really resent anyone trying to gyp me, rip me, con me, are forcibly take it away. To give back, I repair peoples PC’s and laptops for little or nothing. I think I have repaired and given away 45 computers and to me this is the way things should be done, not ripping others off for my own gain.

One more item concerning online shenanigans is “Microsoft” offering to repair your computer by you giving them permission to get inside it via the Internet.  STOP!  Microsoft doesn’t give a hoot about your computer once it’s infected. When you get one of these online warnings of infection, stop what you are doing and seek real professional help, not some service on the Internet. Often a local tech can simply tell you to reboot and run your anti-virus software and you are good. If it comes back, then take it to a shop (or call me: PC Repair Done Dirt Cheap on Facebook).

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Substance Abuse Within the Military

This is a contributed article by Helen Young:

 Military troops and veterans are generally regarded to be some of the most disciplined and 'strong' members of our society. So it may come as a surprise to learn that they are just as susceptible, if not more, to substance abuse and addiction as other civilians. Research indicates that tobacco, alcohol and prescription drug abuse are on the rise within the US military forces and factors such as the stressful nature of their job, military culture and trouble integrating back into society following a period of deployment (along with the possibility of PTSD) are thought to be some of the reasons behind these surprising statistics. 

We are all guilty of making judgmental assumptions when it comes to those who are 'most likely' engage in substance abuse, but there are actually several unlikely sections of society that are suffering. Military troops and veterans fall into this category. Here are some of the reasons behind this invisible abuse.

Alcohol culture

People in the military may abuse alcohol for the same reasons that civilians do – because they want to unwind, relax and forget about their problems. It is estimated that 47% - almost half – of servicemen and women binge drink on a monthly basis. This figure is similar to that of college students - perhaps a less surprising section of society to engage in alcohol abuse. Along with drinking as a stress reliever, there is also a certain culture within the military in which servicemen may ritualistically get together over a few drinks to socialize and bond. Indeed, research states that historically alcohol was used as a form of 'man management' to encourage and allow men to let loose and relive stress. But when this stops being an occasional, enjoyable pastime and starts to become a dependency it can have real consequences. Being drunk or hungover can majority impact cognitive function, reducing readiness and making you less equipped to fulfill your duties properly. In the military this can have life endangering consequences for both you and your colleagues.

Tobacco

Like alcohol, tobacco is legal but in vast quantities can be detrimental to the health. It might not present the same sort of immediate performance issues as drinking or drug abuse but over time it can have a serious impact on overall health. Similarly to alcohol, tobacco use tends to begin after joining the military with one study indicating that 30% of smokers within the military began after joining. Again, this could be seen as a coping mechanism or way of fitting in with peers.

Drug dependency

The military issues a strict zero tolerance policy in regards to illicit drugs so rates of this sort of substance abuse are generally quite low. However, it still remains one of the top reasons for military discharge in the United States. Prescription drug abuse, however, is another matter. One study placed the rates of prescription drug use within the military at 11.7% which is two and a half times higher than prescription drug use in civilians. When servicemen are required to monitor and regulate their own intake of anti-depressant medication, opiate painkillers and other prescription drugs it can lead to unintentional misuse and later, addiction. This can have a very detrimental effect on both their personal and professional lives, especially when faced with the possibility of running out of their medication and being forced to go cold turkey.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Integration Issues

During or after a stint in the military, especially after being involved in combat or working within a warzone, many servicemen experience after effects from the traumatic things they have witnessed or been involved in. Many servicemen returning from combat are though to suffer from substance abuse and PTSD with studies revealing a clear link between the two. Once home, integrating back into normal life following a deployment can also be a tough adjustment. Returning servicemen may feel isolated, bored or unable to simply slot back in to their previous life. In this situation they may turn to substance abuse in an attempt to dull the pain and mask their emotions. They miss the support and camaraderie of their fellow troops and feel disconnected from those around them, even if they have a tight knit and loving family and friendship circle. This is why therapy and treatment are so essential to those suffering from mental illness or trauma following (or during) their time in the military.

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Sounding Brass or a Tinkling Cymbal

If you are sick of big politics on both sides of our government, pay attention to this next fact concerning both parties. They do NOT want to back someone they can't control. If the Party itself is pushing one candidate over another it is because they think they can continue business as usual when their candidate is in office.

American voters should take a hard look at their favorite candidate's voting record before jumping on the band wagon. In the case of Donald Trump who has no voting record, the very fact that both parties are SCARED TO DEATH he will get elected tells me he is going to rip apart politics as we know them. They know this and will do anything they can to make him lose or drop out. Some believe Ted Cruz is also a threat, but I’m not so sure. 

If either party can successfully gain the seat with the candidate of their choice, then it really doesn't matter who is elected. It will be the same old same old all over again.

In order to get elected, Obama blamed Bush for everything (and still does occasionally) and vowed to change all of it. Well, did he? Not really. Guantanamo is still open. In fact, last November he signed a bill making it almost impossible to close. We are just as involved in the mess in the Middle East as we were under Bush. “I will end the war in Afghanistan is 2014.” Last October he once again delayed our exit from the war there.

This is a few examples of what they say they will do is not necessarily what they will do. I understand that some legislation has to be compromised and that situations develop that require a change of strategy and this may be the reason he couldn’t follow through with his campaign promises. However, he did promise to do these deeds and that helped him get elected. Chances are his advisers told him in advance that he wouldn’t have the support to follow through, but hey! It got him elected, didn’t it?

Big politics is a big power trip and these law makers are masters at smoke screens. I am no expert on American politics, but I’m not stupid and I read and re-read the news like a fiend. What I see is business as usual no matter which party is in office. The Clinton’s claimed they left the White House on the verge of bankruptcy, but in the 18 months leading up to her presidential bid; she earned over 21 million dollars simply for flapping her jowls to… rich people.

"In the 18 months before launching her second presidential bid, Clinton gave nearly 100 paid speeches at banks, trade associations, charitable groups and private corporations. The appearances netted her $21.7 million — and voters very little information about what she was telling top corporations as she prepared for her 2016 campaign." NY Times

According to CNN, $153 million in Bill and Hillary Clinton speaking fees were paid to the money-strapped couple, yet supposedly they are the voice of the poor. In reality, they are akin to the civil rights activists that leech off the very people they claim to represent.

This is a person who supposedly represents the little man, but has in fact peddled her wares to the rich. The reason for this is she is indeed very rich and wants to keep every single penny she gets – just like those fat cats in the Republican Party and me, the simple man. The only difference in these two parties is what they say they are going to do to get elected, so they can do the same old song and dance once in office and tax me to pay for it.

And we lemmings line up at the polls and punch little chads or buttons, or some such thingy and walk away thinking our vote is going to change things. To prove my point that they are all stinkers and in it together, let’s take a look at Hillary. She has committed so many felonious acts concerning top secret communications that she should be jerked off the street, cuffed, and slammed into Lompoc’s luxurious Federal Correction Institution… yesterday.

How this is continuing to be ignored by the professional politicians makes them complicit in my view. David Petraeus couldn’t get away with one iota of her crimes and it ruined his amazing career. He had one affair with a woman who was a West Point graduate and a world expert in terrorism and shared a bit of classified info with her and was all but tarred and feathered for it. Hillary’s husband had a secret adulterous affair in the Oval office as President and finished out his time and is a much sought after public figure.

Hillary expunged massive amounts of correspondence before handing over her servers, even though she was court ordered to hand them over immediately. Pallet loads of printed email are being brought forward to prove she exposed our country’s security to our enemies, and yet she is still free AND running for commander in chief? Seriously?

I think the woman could admit to eating baby seals or kittens for breakfast and people would ignore it and giddily sing her praises.  How can this happen in our country and it still be okay, let alone allow her to run as the top executive? The reason is all of these politicians are in it together. All they are worried about is their share of the prize. They stand up there and wave their bony arms and make promises, but in the end, it’s simply smoke screen politics as usual. 

Fairly early on in this race, Donald Trump was asked what he would do if he was actually elected and please pay attention to his response. I heard him say it, but it vanished just as quickly from the press. “I will surround myself with the brightest and sharpest people and listen to them.” What? You won’t surround yourself with your cronies and award them for their support? What a novel approach! Has anyone ever done this before? That’s not politics! You are right. It’s not. Its smart business and its time this country was ran like a business, instead of a network of carpet-bagging back-slappers.

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Straight Outta Trashcan

“In 1988, a groundbreaking new group revolutionizes music and pop culture, changing and influencing hip-hop forever. N.W.A's first studio album, "Straight Outta Compton," stirs controversy with its brutally honest depiction of life in Southern Los Angeles.” Wikipedia

I have 18 books in my library on black history which I have read. I probably know more about black history than the people who made the movie “Straight Outta Compton” and I have lived there also. As an 8 year old kid I used to walk down Long Beach Boulevard into Compton and we would buy tacos there. My usual approach to becoming acquainted with a subject is to immerse myself in it until I have a good grasp and this is how my journey into the slave trade began maybe 20 years ago.

Many of the books I own or have read were written by black scholars and depict the truth about the slave trade and the ransacking of Africa by… Africans. It’s not a pleasing picture and it is far easier to simply believe that non-black people raped the country instead of the truth – it was a joint effort. Like the X-file heading, the truth is out there.  We just have to go find it.

Ice Cube (in both photos) wrote the filthiest raunchiest lyrics for N.W.A.

So in search of the facts, I watched the gritty movie, “Straight Outta Compton” and I did find it fascinating. It depicts the struggle of a number of currently popular millionaires who hobnob with the Commander in Chief at White house galas, do commercials for major brands, make kids/family movies, and are quoted by church going folk. They host award shows and everyone there wants to be associated with them and giggle when they talk.

Straight Outta Compton’s group was N.W.A., and in a silly twist of the rules, I can’t spell out in this column what that acronym stands for. Talk about a travesty; that’s one for the books. In fact, I, being a white person could not repeat a large portion of the movie’s dialogue or I would be labeled as racist. All through the movie, the main characters are portrayed as being victims and this message is pushed to the nth degree from front to back.

Today, they are hailed as heroes for breaking down the language barrier in music. Wow, what a legacy. It’s not just the f-word that is now allowed, it is the rankest, raunchiest, filthiest, and violent-laden lyrics that they have propelled into modern mainstream music. Let’s back up to 1967 and The Doors appearing on the vaunted Ed Sullivan Show.

The Ed Sullivan Show was the grandest accomplishment a music group could attain.  After all, 3 years prior, the Beatles were introduced to America on this really big show. A few minutes before the doors were to sing their smash hit, “Light my fire,” they were informed that they had to change the lyrics from, “Girl, we couldn’t get much higher,” to “Girl, we couldn’t get much better.”

The leader of the band, Jim Morrison refused to compromise and the band was banned from the show. This normally would kill the band, but The Doors were just too big and the only thing that stopped them was Morrison’s self-destructive drug and alcohol usage. Straight Outta Compton portrays the victorious struggle of Ice Cube, Easy-E, Dr. Dre, DJ Yella, and MC Ren for the most part, but you get to see Snoop Dogg, and Tupac on occasion. Just like most successful rock and roll groups, fame brings lots of drugs, parties, hookers, and strife and I understand how that works and this didn’t affect me as a negative per say. What I mean, is that is pretty common and has nothing to do with the bent of this column. There was also some infighting and I suspect that was fairly accurate.

What I do draw exception to is the line of dialogue early on in the movie where Easy-E, a rich drug dealer, is brought into backing his peeps by using the logic that there is no difference in selling dope, than selling music. This is a monstrous message to young people. It effectively blurs the lines between right and wrong. Do this? You get rich. Do that? You get rich. There is no difference.

There’s a gigantic difference; simply gigantic. The message of this movie is blurry, but some of it advocates getting the lion’s share by hook or crook. You can do whatever you want as long as you succeed and you will get rich. It is another bizarre twist that these thug rappers, who openly advocated doing violence to the police are now respectable citizens who people appear to adore.

Dr. Dre sells uber-expensive headphones and every gym has fifty people inside wearing them.  He’s worth about 550 million bucks.  Ice Cube is not doing too shabby at 140 million, and poor DJ Yella and MC Ren only have a measly 1 million dollars each. They don’t have headphone and movie deals – poor guys. Easy-E, the Godfather of Gangsta Rap died of A.I.D.S. in 1995.

Hey!  I might have this all wrong. They may have actually done a good thing by tearing down the censorship barrier of music and this may be an Oscar worthy movie, but you’ll have to watch it and make that call for yourself, won’t you?

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Give the people what they want!

Here we go again, yet another sports figure being investigated for using a banned substance. It makes me shake my head in absolute wonder. When will the sports governing bodies realize that the average Joe sitting on the sidelines simply doesn’t care if the athlete is a roid-enhanced machine? They simply want to see the athlete perform in such a manner that is amazing.

DENVER (AP) -- The NFL says it is conducting a comprehensive review of allegations that Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning had human growth hormone delivered to his house.

When football players collide, those of us watching want to hear our guy smash the bones of the other guy, Dick Butkus style. Of course, after the Sports Medicine people finally get the guy on his feet, we want to cheer their bravery with giddy abandon. Geeze, we don’t want the guy to die, you know what I mean? We just want him out of the game and if he’s on the other team and really a threat to us winning, we want him out for the season… unless he’s one of our fantasy footballers!

“I'm not so mean. I wouldn't ever go out to hurt anybody deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something.” Dick Butkus

To me the real issue with Peyton Manning isn’t his (supposed) human growth hormone use; it’s the threat of him losing his lucrative advertisement deals. Talk about a hit below the belt! Geeze, that could be catastrophic! What? You didn’t know all these organized sporting events are about money for investors?

All of it is money driven, so why not give the audience what they want? Bigger, faster athletes who hit harder, jump further, throw longer, and can do feats worthy of our dollars, because that is what we want to see. We crave icons to worship and discuss our heroes ad nauseum at work and in the sports bars. As a sidebar, I used to listen to the guys at work spew out their intimate knowledge of players, games, and strategies and wonder why they were wasting their time only making a hundred thousand dollars a year at a chemical plant.

I say level the playing field and reinstall the 300 plus world class athletes who have been banned for “performance-enhancing drugs” that many of us take every day. Yea, that nose-inhaler you must have every day would bump you onto this list. That over the counter drug you bought last week to help open up your lungs so you can breath? Blam! You’re out and… disgraced!

Here it is and it has disqualified a number of athletes: Pseudoephedrine is a sympathomimetic drug of the phenethylamine and amphetamine chemical classes. It may be used as a nasal/sinus decongestant, as a stimulant, or as a wakefulness-promoting agent. 

When Lance Armstrong was dethroned, I asked my cousin in law, who is a Nordic cycler from Denmark about it and he told me straight-up that “they all do it in one form or another, or they can’t remain competitive at that level.” I say open it up.  Let them all do it. Of course, that would put many people out of business, as sports is a big business – but –it would open up new avenues to make money and just think about the toy industry action figures that would come out of this new phenomenon!

Mixed martial arts and Wrestle Mania type venues have proved that people want to see monsters in sports. They don’t care if they are good people; nope, not one bit. They want to see violence and in excessive amounts. That’s why the program America’s Funniest Home Videos is so popular. People doing stupid things in such an excessive manner that they get hurt. The more violent they fall, the higher the pleasure meter goes it seems.

Take the recent K/O of Rhonda Rousey as an example. There she was, queen of the Mixed Martial Arts Octagon until she got her hiney handed to her by Holly Holm in about 15 seconds. All the Rousey worshipers dropped her faster than Holm’s did. People don’t care about these athletes when they fail; they just want to see dramatic action. If steroids will bump up this action, bring it on!

The day when JJ Watt can no longer perform, he will be just another failed athlete and folks will be looking at the next super hero. Would it make a dimes worth of difference if all these athletes were using performance-enhancing drugs for the last 3 years? I say no. Not a dimes worth. As long as they can amaze people with their athletic skill, people wouldn’t care.

All these disqualifying substances are so last century anyway and doomed when neural implants begin to be introduced into athletes and the general population. Remember when The Matrix’s Neo learned karate, kung-fu, jujitsu, boxing, etc in about ten seconds? All he really needed was the conditioning to pull it off. When a baseball batter knows every pitch that is coming at him and can calculate his reaction, the idea of a performance-enhancing drug giving him an advantage sounds pretty silly and antiquated.

The truth is we are drug obsessed in this country. This latest news of Peyton Manning is just one more example of how out of touch with reality we are. Probably 75% of us would be banned from organized sports for something we are taking, either from the doctor, or over the counter. I say let em have em. The time has come.

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Keep on keepin’on? Nope, not me.

Is this your idea of retirement?

 The easy road.  Man, I wish the easy road was reality…  I really do.  It would make life less complicated – or maybe not. The easy road. What a wonderful concept! Roll on, oh silver lining. I guess there really is a silver lining in every dark dirty cloud we accept as our life. Seeing your life as a dark cloud of misfortunes is strictly a matter of choice.

Taunting yourself that everyone seems to have it easier or better than you is self-flagellation at its worst. Poor pitiful Pearl.

I’m a senior citizen.  Yea, I know.  I don’t feel like one.  I feel like life is really opening up opportunities. Of course, real opportunities don’t come to us by winning the lottery, or Publishers Clearing House winnings. Opportunities come with sweat, blood, and often tears. Real opportunities require that four letter word – work and let’s not forget that other bad word, sacrifice.

That peaceful easy feeling Glenn Frey wrote about is not so peaceful or easy when it comes to getting something worth having.  It’s a struggle brother. It’s suffragette city.  Its sunrise on the wrong side of the city, sky high, and six thousand miles away. Yes, it’s real work and there is no easy living. You want it? You work for it, or wait a lifetime for something that will most likely never happen.

I’m retired. Life should be the life of Riley, right? Wrong. Life is a battlefield sister. Let someone else have that hammock and glass of ice tea. You watch that fellow run a marathon in Houston and think you could never do that. Wrong. You can do it, just not in the time they did it. You have to get your buns off the couch and start moving those gams. Get a plan and stick to it.

Jimmy Buffet has it all wrong for the most part. Lying around on the beach drinking tequila and thumping lime slices into the Gulf all the time is for delusional slackers and drunks. All you will end up with is perpetual sunburn and parrot poop on your clothes. Anything worth having is worth working for, remember? That sandy island retreat is a reward and should be a very short one - not a long term existence.

I read an obituary of a man of 86. His 60-something son wrote it and was extolling the work ethic virtues of his father. In the Obit he said his dad was learning Chinese at the time of his death. The list of disciplines he had subjected himself to over the years was amazing. He never let up. To me he is an example of what I should attempt, not that I have a history of taking it easy or anything. I just think there is more and I want it and am willing to work for it.

Sure I play the lotto now and again, but like my youngest brother told me the other day, “Even if you won the Powerball, you would find a way to go back to work”. What he meant was that I would find another discipline to tackle, not go back into the chemical plants. I took this as a compliment.

Physically, there is nothing I am doing harder than the Group X classes at the gym named after the clock.  Boot Camp Monday, cycling (Spin) Tuesday, Les Mills Body Pump Wednesday, cycling again on Thursday, and finishing up with another Body Pump on Saturday. It is hard exhausting work and like my Tuesday Spin instructor Page Morton said the other day, “If this was easy, the place would be packed.”

Do we who push so hard do it because we like to abuse ourselves? Maybe, but the truth is we want short and long term benefits and results and we can’t get them by watching TV or videos of people playing sports. You can’t become a millionaire by watching poker players on TV either. How many times have we said, “Boy, I sure wish I could…” but we are not willing to go the extra mile to make it happen? I know I am guilty.

That silver lining is unreachable for us simply because we are not motivated enough to go after it.  It hurts to admit that to ourselves, but it’s true. Living below our potential is a lifestyle choice. Complacency is the result of those choices. Accepting these low standards becomes what we are. If you don’t like where you are – change it.

That forest full of trees can be cut down one tree at a time, so telling yourself the problem is too large is simply getting back on the hamster wheel you have allowed yourself to traverse. To be honest, I don’t always write such uplifting motivational stuff as this, but we all have areas in our lives that need to be visited now and again. Remember folks, your life is what you make it, so make it or keep dreaming.

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An apple a day for a snob.

I am an apple snob and it is not entirely my fault.  It is because I spent my early pre-teen and a few later years living in Ohio and Michigan. Up in that part of the USA, apples grow everywhere and some trees have so many large apples on them, they break the limbs due to the extra weight.

Apples are like people in that there are many varieties and some are sweeter, larger, crisper, sourer, disgusting… etcetera. Recently an ex-councilman decided because he knows me that I would be a prime target to buy apples from him and a whole case at that. I think it is noble that one of the many clubs he belongs to sells apples to raise money for whatever they raise money for, but like I told him, “I don’t like the apples they sell because I am an apple snob.”

I know this was a direct, honest, and possibly unwanted answer, but what in the world am I going to do with all those apples I don’t like… give them away? I reckon that would have been a kinder gesture than my straight forward answer. Let me explain about why I am an apple snob. In the Buckeye State when I was a child, kids carried salt shakers in their pockets and after about 3 baseball games, we would ride our bikes to the orchards, climb up in the trees and eat green apples.

If you’ve seen the movie “Sandlot”, this was my childhood. Now, if you think we were putting a dent in the number of apples on these trees, you’ve never seen apple trees loaded with fruit. It’s practically impossible to exaggerate their numbers. Imagine a Granny Smith apple (not one that was picked two weeks before it was ready to be picked so it could be shipped to a grocery store) that is a just about ready to begin sweetening, but still sour and sprinkle salt on it until it has just the right amount.

The salt makes it bearable to eat without your jaws contracting (you know what I mean) and is so delicious that you eat the entire apple, core, *seeds, and all tossing the stem to the ground. It is so juicy and delicious; it’s like eating meat, sweets, and juice in each bite. After about 6 or 7 big fat juicy apples, you lick your fingers and carefully place the small patch of wax paper over the top of the shaker, and screw the lid back on it. Now you have had lunch and can resume the game.

Fuji Apples

I can’t remember ever going home for lunch when playing baseball in Ohio. We always ate apples. I loved to eat pears and cherries too, but let me tell you something about wild cherry trees you may not know. Most non-nursery trees are large and dangerous to climb and each cherry you can reach, you do so at risk of breaking your arms, legs, and maybe your neck, as gravity is not your friend.

Pear trees are finicky and the same tree, depending on the rain it gets and when it gets it, can bear a wide variation in the quality of the fruit. Just when you think you have found the perfect tree, the next year it is tasteless, too hard, or yucky. In Hillsdale, Michigan, we had (if I remember right) 12 apple trees and a cloned apple/pear tree. This particular tree would grow one fruit one ear and the next, the other, but it always had some of both.

These days I don’t eat many apples and it’s mainly because I don’t have enough teeth left to chew them up completely, but if I did, I would buy the Fuji and the Honey crisp varieties because they taste real good and are crisp.  Because I know the difference, I would be willing to bet they would be many times better if I could get them off the tree. When I lived in Southeast Asia, I would eat the pineapple right after it ripened on the bush and it was like eating candy. It was non-acidic and totally pleasing. The same went for the watermelon and the indigenous fruit.

Honey Crisp

Our measly selection of bananas is due to what holds up the best when shipped. I remember finger bananas right off the tree that although they were white-meated, they were buttery and sweet like sugar. We get about 3 of the over 1000 varieties of bananas in our stores. Can you imagine trying even 100 different bananas to see which ones you liked the most?

In my high school years in Georgia we would wade in the creeks and pick black berries which were larger than a big man’s thumb. That red clay soil and the water made them so big that a couple dozen was all you needed to make a small pie. Of course each berry was picked knowing the plentiful snakes also eat berries.

When I lived in Utah, we ate enough wild plumbs to feed a small army of chiren. In California, we again ate bananas and tangerines off the many trees and occasionally lemons. Now days, we eat what the grocery stores sell and that is one poor substitute for tree-ripened fruit.

I don’t know what got me on this subject today, but I do miss those Ohio apple orchards.

Note: Yes, we ate the seeds and lots of them.

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Is owning a gun really a bad thing?

Come and take it.

I grew up in a gun-owning family.  As far as I know, I am the only one of us 7 who has ever pointed a real gun at someone with the intention of pulling the trigger. My first firearm was a single shot 12 gauge Savage shotgun my Dad or Mom won at a turkey shoot in Woodstock, Georgia.  I was 14. My brother Gordon was one year younger than me and they bought him one identical to the one I got.

At the onset I want to clarify something. If you are anti-gun and agree that Americans shouldn’t have the Constitutional right to own a firearm or form a militia, then this column won’t change your mind. However, if you sit on that one inch of board and could fall to one side of the voting fence or the other, then read on.

Owning a firearm is an amazing right. It is not something that should be taken lightly.  A right by definition is a moral or legal entitlement to have or obtain something or to act in a certain way.

It’s a privilege also, which by definition is a special advantage, immunity or benefit not enjoyed by all. You see, if you are a convicted felon, you cannot own a firearm, albeit with a few exceptions. But for the most part, you have lost that right and that privilege.

But let’s say for arguments sake that for the most part you are a law-abiding citizen. Occasionally you drive faster than the speed limit or jaywalk, but within the scope of this line of thought, you are not a criminal. Our constitution allows you to own a firearm and this is in the second amendment: A well regulated Militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the Right of the People to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed.

The amazing thing about this amendment is how it addresses our future government’s possible ability to try and nullify it. "Any and all laws, rules, regulations, proclamations, etc., Pro or Con, which may be entered in the record, addressing these freedoms are unconstitutional". This was put into our constitution to protect us from a tyrannical government. What?

Indeed. We have finally arrived at a place where the government does not represent the bulk of voting America. Once in office, they do everything in their power to support the party they are affiliated with, regardless of what their voter’s desire may be. Donald Trump is gaining velocity because he will not align himself with this self-serving single party nonsense.

Hillary protected by men with guns, but is anti-gun for you and I.

On January 5^th, he is quoted as telling Hillary Clinton that if she feels so strongly against citizens having guns, then she should dismiss her bevy of secret service agents. She won’t do it because her life matters, but according to her, yours apparently don’t. I have stressed this same logic many times over.

Now here’s the real kicker.  All of this talk about gun ownership and whether law-abiding citizens can own and carry guns has no effect whatsoever on organized crime, common violent criminals, and people who are just angry bat crazy.  Tightening gun laws will have no effect on them and only serve to disarm those of us who want a first line of defense to protect our families and ourselves.

But let’s back up a bit.  As a long time martial artist, I want to bring out a point about resisting an attacker.  Owning a gun and having a permit to carry it is only half of the equation and the second half can’t be purchased or tested in a classroom.  This is the terrible truth of carrying a legal firearm or having it for home defense when confronted by an attacker.

The time may just come when someone will call your bluff and break into the house you’ve told everyone you will defend with a gun.  “I’ll blow them away!” may just be put to the ultimate test of taking another human’s life and folks; this is not something you ever want to have happen to you.  But if that time comes, you better make danged sure you can pull that trigger, or put that gun away right now and get a Rottweiler.

This cannot be taught and tested in a open carry, boxing, mixed martial art, or karate class.  You can either do it, or you can’t and waiting to find out when you need to do it is a might weak strategy.  Most of us live under a moral code of conduct which a crazed person or a criminal does not. In my mind’s eye I have envisioned bracing this kind of person so many times I cannot number them and I believe I can pass that horrifying test, but maybe not. I have before, but what about next time, or the time after that?

However, I still want the constitutional right and privilege to decide if I can own and carry a firearm. I do not want the Federal government making that decision for me. In the meantime I can keep my firearm safely on my hip or in my home and no one is harmed by my possession of the gun and it will stay that way.

*Quote from Wikipedia

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Stupid Facebook challenges

It seems like everyday, someone will post a rustic cabin in the woods photo or maybe one on a tropical paradise and it will "challenge" all their friends by asking if they could stay there for one year without the Internet, television, cable, or their smartphones.  Here is an actual screen grab to back up my statement.

You have to stay in this cabin for the entire month of January. You have all the food and water you'll need. You have enough firewood to keep a fire going until the 31st. You have no access to Internet , cell phones or TV. On the 31st of January, you walk out of the door with $100,000. Would you do it?
Can you believe that 1,947, 882 idiots all "liked" this nonsense?  On top of that, 244, 655 morons shared it. 

Here is another one.

 I have a challenge that makes a wee bit more sense.
 
You have to stay in this hole for the entire month of January. You have all the food and water you'll need. You will be naked. You have total access to Internet , cell phones and tv. On the 31st of January, you will be water-boarded by trained CIA agents.  You will then be given $100,000 in unmarked $20 bills.  Will you accept a real challenge??

So far, not a single like or share?
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I want to believe

I remember being fifteen years old and carefree like it was yesterday. I can still see it in my mind’s eye. I was living in Woodstock, Georgia with my family and at an age where I still liked playing cars in the dirt and shooting squirrels with my Savage 12-guage shotgun. I didn’t want to grow up – that would come a year later when I got a driver’s license and began pursuing girls and listening to the news about Vietnam. 

The year was 1967 and it was a tumultuous time, as I’ve mentioned numerous times in other columns. Half of me knew it and half of me was happy to let other people worry about it. Like now I was optimistic about a new year and a new beginning and I really believed times would get better. Now, I’m not so sure, but an ember of hope still shines.

I always heard that the future is what you make it and on an individual level, I still believe this, at least to a certain extent. I want to believe. Please Lord, make it so. I’m a news junkie, again as I’ve stated before. I don’t listen to any political pundits for my take on current events, but troll Drudge and Google News, mainly to get feeds. I read and read and read. The news I hear sounds down right scary. A panacea to the plethora of bad news is I also pay attention to another plane of existence.

I believe in God and believe he was manifested in the man Jesus the Christ. I also believe that God in all his omniscience and omnipotence is fully capable of having a firm grip on everything, or he wouldn’t be God, right? This isn’t probably a universal dogma, but I can’t and won’t limit my God to a place of finite capabilities. I believe in miracles.

My future is dictated by my beliefs, but also my free will and I choose to direct as much of it as I can. I believe a whole lot of it is in a spiritual realm I am only slightly aware of, but what I can see and control is important and I want to direct it as positively as possible – and have fun along the way.

So, I geocache, do community service by picking up litter, and write for the newspaper. I exercise and teach classes and try to give back to my community by donating blood and helping those I can. I attend religious services and truly be nice to people I care about. I win, I fail, and I try to do well. I want to believe I am making a difference. I want to believe I am leaving a legacy I can be proud of.

I want to believe that this next year is going to be the greatest positive experience of my life, even better than when I was 15 years old. However, experience and years like 2009 are always looming in the back of my mind, overshadowing that optimism. All of us live one second from falling to our knees and crying out to whichever god we choose to follow. I want to fall to my knees voluntarily, not by being knocked on them by happenstance, bad judgment, inconsiderate behavior, or accident.

When I was 15 I just knew everything would miraculously fall into place for me. At my current advanced age, I wonder every day when something bad is going to be suddenly revealed. I’m told the sharpened skill of worrying comes with age and I am experiencing it daily to back that up.

Until that final day comes, I want to look at the future like it’s my box of chocolates and every one of them is good in some way or other. This new year I want to have a major paradigm shift from the past and try to see people the same way as those chocolates. I’ve became cynical toward strangers over the years as people have been rude and uncaring especially while driving. This may be one of my greatest challenges, as daily I am exposed to this inconsiderate behavior.

Outside of their cars, I’ve found most everyone to be rational and friendly and this is my hope. I want to work on myself this next year, because I can’t change that person’s attitude positively in the cars I encounter. I can however be more understanding when driving and less critical.

2016 might just be the best year I’ve ever experienced.  I want to believe.

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