Saturday, October 10, 2009

Barack Obama Awarded 10th Degree Black Belt!

Our American President has been awarded the coveted Nobel Peace Prize for bringing hope to the whole world and for something to do with nuclear arms non-proliferation. I think this is great! It really bolsters the credibility of the Nobel Peace Prize committee members and puts Barack Obama right up there with Teddy Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, Ralph Bunche, Albert Schweitzer, Martin Luther King Jr., Henry Kissinger and Mother Teresa and shuts the mouth of all those who claim he hasn’t changed a thing in the last 10 months – plus, he got the gold in record book time, unlike the other historically accomplished folks I just mentioned.

He was in office 12 full days before he was nominated and we all remember how much he did the 11 days before that. My pointed head is still spinning.

It only took Mother Teresa all her life to get it and President Obama did it (snapping fingers) like that. Bully for him. This sets a real precedent too. Maybe a blogger can win it. I think I’ll change the name of this Blog to something like “I promise the moon and stars to promote world peace, at high altitudes and give everyone something cool”. That might do it. Of course, I won’t have to actually come across with anything concrete after I’m nominated and that’s the real beauty of it.

I’ll have to get a teleprompter too I guess, and maybe a couple of aggressive speechwriters with carnival hawking experience (it’s not easy to fool everyone, but I just have to fool roughly 50%). These guys will have to be good and if I can drag in an acting coach too, that'll top off my chances of winning. Then I could feign shock and awe when the awards start coming in.

Now, what I’m hoping to see next for our President is some more choice awards to beef up his resume. The President of the World Taekwondo Federation should ask the Kukkiwon to award Mr. Obama a 10th degree black belt for instance. What? They only go up to 9th degree? Not a problem, just create one. Our President deserves the highest-ranking black belt in the world. The world owes it to him and he would look awesome giving speeches and whatnot.

There has got to be an Academy Award in this thing somewhere, I can smell it. Let’s see…I got it - a Lifetime Achievement Oscar, or maybe Best Inspiring Performance! That second one might have to be invented, but those Academy folks did it for Al Gore and they sure as heck-fire can do it again. You can see that I’m all about change, can’t you?

What other awards are out there that people usually win because they work hard all their lives and deserve that we can give our President? He has after all, brought hope to people like Kenyans and stuff. It was looking like there were bunches of people in Afghanistan that were singing his laurels, but for some reason they are waffling, so no awards are coming from under that rock that I can see.

Personally, I think President Obama should win the Heisman Trophy – that’s a given I know, but not everyone agrees (they probably listen to Glenn Beck’s blather all the time).

There’s the Stanley Cup that’s up for grabs and let’s not shy away from a couple of Olympic Gold medals – say maybe 9 or 10 in the same sport? I hadn’t thought about the Kentucky Derby until just now, but it’s not out of reach and then, there is a Superbowl ring that would look real nice.

One way or the other, I’m happy for the man. Alfred Nobel would be proud.


Anonymous said...

Alfred E Newman sure is proud! DB

Anonymous said...

This sure puts the whole thing in perspective! You have done it better than all the other "Beckies" and "Limbies" out there! And I am trying to be somewhat supportive of the man since he is our president and is a decent man with a beautiful family. Of course, God save us from his medical care plan! And a few other things! Thanks for the column, have to agree. Lois

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I heard the Pope just made him Holy Roman Emperor. PR

Anonymous said...

I’m glad to hear that you and I agree on this, Bert – Otis. I’m out here on a turnaround, and yesterday morning I came in all tired, ready for this thing to be over with. And low and behold, when I read the news of our fearful leader, I could hear birds singing over the roar of the copus blowers and rigs running. All of a sudden, there was a rainbow in the sky! Even A C N began to smell like roses. (MAJOR EYE ROLL)

I fear that the Living God is about to pass judgment on our nation for voting this socialist- abortionist into office.

Some of the things that I hear I take with a grain of salt, up until last week. I was flipping channels, and came across the Bobby Jones Gospel show. I used to watch this show, but have not seen it in a few years now. It has Black Gospel music and I used to really enjoy. But, last week, Bobby is in the center singing, with a row of singers on each side of him. The backdrop, behind him ,in most churches, gospel show settings,etc. would have a cross, or, maybe a dove, signifying the Holy Spirit. But, now Bobby has a picture of Hussein Oboma on his back drop. The “worship “ has began in earnest. SJ

Anonymous said...

"No-bell" is a good name for the prize. Cause if there were one I'd ring it! "I'd ring it the Morning! I'd ring it in the Evening! I'd ring out he ain't done nothing... prob'ly never will... all ove this land..." WH

Anonymous said...

It's already being called the Nobel Peace o' Crap Prize. DS

Anonymous said...

lolol I love the sarcasm and I loved everything that you said except the first paragraph and the last line. =) Oh and I rather like Glenn Beck's blather along with Limbaugh, Levin and O'Reilly. =) K

Anonymous said...

Hilarious... No Heisman though. Everything else, eh. Can't allow the degradation of football though.

And the Darwin Awards: LOLOL Ike

It can only happen while shopping!

As the big man is my witness, every word of this is unquestionable and void of hyperbolic incredibility. With that taken into consid...