Monday, July 08, 2019

Beer Drinkers Throw Harder

 Who knew that people who drink and drive can throw an empty beer can like a professional athlete?
There has been an alarming trend on Blue Heron Parkway when it comes to litter. I feel it is my obligation to report the facts on this bizarre mystery.

The beer drinkers are throwing their cans and bottles further than the Monster drink and Red Bull crowd. Mind-boggling comes to my... mind to attempt to explain this phenomenon.

Have they secretly infused Michelob Ultra-lite with caffeine and not told anyone? I mean it has become apparent there is an issue with the once powerful sports drinks.

I used to find the littered cans 30 or more feet from the road and the beer cans were 20 feet closer. In the last two weeks I've found more and more cans of "powerfully explosive powered" sports drink close to curb, as if the poor athletic wannabe barely had the energy to drop it beside their moving hooptie.

Now it appears if you really want to throw that empty can a long ways, you have to switch to beer. Hollywood has proven over and over again that people who drink alcohol are full of energy. If you are going to litter, you might as well throw it like Randy Johnson.
 Disclaimer: In no way am I advocating littering, throwing any kind of litter out of a car or truck, or soiling the good name of Randy Johnson.

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