Rainbows, Unicorns, and Gnomes

I've had friends over the years who saw a bright future to the point that they went and had tattoos inked in various places on their body. They chose seemingly pleasant items, such as the title of this column. I never could bring myself to do it, even when the craze would pop up again and again. Maybe I just couldn't see the unicorns and mushrooms in my future. I don't know. I do know I haven't seen any magic nymphs and other than the grocery store, no mushrooms and none with elves sitting under them.

I would love to live in a Utopia, or at least I think I would. Maybe its in store in the next life. I sure hope so. I know in this one, there are more sand paper paths than one's lined with grease. The gritty paths are getting grittier and the only oiled ones lead downward or towards Lemmingsville. You do know that it is a myth about lemmings blindly running off a cliff right? It only truly applies to humans and is more evident every day.

People will follow the car in front of them through the yellow light until the last two pass under a red light. If that isn't an example of mindless furry animals following each other, will someone please point me in the right direction? People do not want to discuss anything unpleasant or risk hearing or saying anything that could possibly be offensive to the point that we are literally killing free speech, both verbally and in the press. The only people who get all the air time they want are extremists. If anyone else tries to defend tradition, they are breaking the ever-expanding politically correctness barrier, which now resembles a hangman's noose.

The only people who are getting air-time are the ones attacking free speech and slowly but surely those of us who still believe in it are being whittled down to accept their ever-increasing violent bombasts. By shouting something loud enough, repeating it without fail, haranguing everyone who dares to disagree, down the road, it becomes fact. Back in the day we labeled it "brain washing", but seriously, when is the last time you heard this term applied to anything?

No, baby squirrels, bunny rabbits, and fluffy baby chicks are still safe to talk about and as far as I know, unless you are growing them to kill and eat, it is still safe to talk about them. They're so cute... and safe to discuss. No one could possibly get offended.

"Hey lady, wanna see my baby bunny?" 

"Of course I do... Oh wait, is that a vulgar euphemism? It's not? Then, yea, of course, but if it's not, you better watch out, as I know my rights and I have a lawyer mister predatory misogynist!"

"Uh, no, it's just a baby rabbit, but I've decided I don't want to show it to you."

"Why, is it because I'm a (Fill in the blank. There are now a myriad of juicy inflammatory choices.)

"No, it's because you are rude."

"How dare you! You (fill in the blank with one of the current offensive bywords) monster!"

I don't know what's left. Maybe I'll just become a math genius and live in a cabin up in the woods are write a manifesto and see if I can get it published. What could go wrong? I think we need to replace PC (political correctness) with CS (common sense). Ya think? That is short for "Do no think this is a good idea?" I'll be honest. I am at a loss as what the guidelines are these days. As a columnist, I thought I wrote opinion and seeing it is opinion, I don't have to let facts get in the way. My readers will point out what I am doing that is incorrect, just wrong, or stupid, right? Maybe I should start writing for The Onion. I bet I would fit right in.

Where was I? Oh yea. Elves, gnomes, mushrooms, clouds shaped like religious icons, cotton candy, baby chicks - these are the things we need to focus on in the next year. Stuff that salves our mind, and greases all the right places so there is no friction. We don't need controversy or debate, or defense of principles because they offend people. It doesn't take a rocket surgeon to realize offending people is wrong and racist, now does it?