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Showing posts from January, 2007

Meet the New Boss

*“I'll tip my hat to the new constitution.Take a bow for the new revolution.Smile and grin at the change all around”.Finally!The Democrats have the Houses back and there is a refreshing change in the air!Well, at least that is what some folks are saying.Rack and ruin all around us, they say and Nancy Pelosi and her followers are going to bring integrity back to Capital Hill.People are mad, folks are angry, we need a revolution…oops, I guess I was getting caught up in the late 1960’s rhetoric of my youth.My bad.I’ll try to behave, Mom.Somehow, this new generation of politically partisan pundits is going to sweep into Washington with a cornucopia of answers that will finally put an end to the heinous, vile, evil, irresponsible, offensive, arrogant, mismanagement of our government and restore the world’s faith in the American government…just like Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton did.Whew!*“Pick up my guitar and play…Just like yesterday, then I'll get on my knees and pray”.I’ve long …

Baytown Bert Enters Race for White House

Current Baytown, Texas, Columnist, Webmaster and Blogger “Baytown Bert” Marshall today announced plans to run for the presidency of the United Snakes of America, hoping to carve out a tasty niche in an increasingly crowded field of confused candidates.

The some-time opinioned Philomath, perhaps best known for self-promotion, said he will file papers with the Federal Electoral Redundancy Commission on Monday, which will enable him to legally raise money, but special coffee cupsare already going “like hotcakes” on his site.

"People want an authentic candidate who has a proven record of “getting up there and going for it”," he said on IBC's "Meet My Press." "I've concluded that I should take this necessary and vital step to bring a new kind of leadership to the public squares." He added that he has received "strong, powerful support" from friends and family.

Citing his experience as a Blogger, Baytown Bert expressed concerns about overuse of s…

I am an uncouth man-oaf!

Being the comfortably masculine man that I am, I find the world of women confusing and frankly, after fifty plus years of observation, they are still a mystery.If I accidentally barge into an elevator with 6 women, it’s like crossing the Sabine River…I’m in a foreign country!I itch in all the wrong places.Gas suddenly starts to build in my guts.I feel a burp coming on.It’s awful.For some reason, I will feel the need to talk while in this uncomfortable situation, reinforcing my place in manhood and saying stupid and embarrassing stuff women find offensive and course.“It shore is hot tooday, eh”?Burp!Am I admitting to being a lecher, a masher, a woman predator?Shoot no!I, as a man, can comment on a subject as innocent as the weather (when around a group of women) and somehow (beyond any attempt to the contrary) it comes out as offensive and as something requiring an apology every time. Just a note here on man-apologies:It takes roughly ten man-apologies to equal one woman-apology.A man-…

Make the Child Pay

Our state Representative, Wayne Smith, has introduced a bill that would make it a misdemeanor for a parent to schedule a teacher conference and not show up, or refuse to show up for a conference that a teacher requests. A first offense could result in a fine on conviction, and a second offense could result in jail time.”Thank you Barb Wooster for summing that up so eloquently...It’s true, in the best interest of all Texans; one of our elected officials has found yet another way to punish the parent of a wayward student.Kari Griffin, one of my favorite reporters for the Baytown Sun wrote: “Director of student services Al Richard said he would not comment on the possible effects of Smith’s bill, but he has observed the result of making parents legally responsible for their children’s absences.”One of the oldest misguided statements I’ve heard repeatedly over the last twenty years goes something like this: “Well, if their kid would have been raised better, they wouldn’t have turned out s…

The Sleep of the Just

My wife tells me I am asleep before the room gets dark.

For the first 40 years of my life, I stayed perpetually tired at work. Heckfire, I was just plain tired most of the time. I was sleep-deprived and didn’t know what to do about it. The “experts” have a little test to find out if you too are sleep-deficient. Sit in a quiet environment for 5 minutes and if you yawn, you need more rest. Uh… hello? I was at the point, that when I closed my eyes, I was dreaming. Perhaps you are too.

The solution to sleep-deprivation is surprisingly simple. So simple in fact that I thought I would share my proven secrets with the many fine Baytonians who nod all day, wishing they could get a handle on their downtime.

The secret to getting up early is going to bed early.

There, I said it. Please don’t scoff and say it is the lack of time in your day that causes you to stay up so late. The real problem for most of us working folks is once we finally lay down, we are in such a hurry to get to sleep… w…

Vietnam Veteran speaks out

Bert Marshall wrote an Excellent article in Sunday Jan. 14th, 2007Baytown Sun (Neo-Patriotic Doublespeak Exposed!). It is great to see some one like Bert speak out for our men and women who have served our country in the military of the past and present in a way that hits home with everyone. He is right on target about the lip service we hear from both Democrat and Republican leaders, and their party followers about how they say they support our troops, but then turn their backs when confronted with Veteran Affair issues. It is sad that in our Government we only have less than 18% of our Government leaders who served in Armed forces; I think you will see change coming on that. So you can see why many leaders both Democrat and Republican make poor decisions when it comes to troop needs. Like Bert I to have a son serving our country in the military and I am proud of him and all the troops who have taken the Oath for our Country’s Defense. As a Vietnam era Veteran it was very disappoint…

Neo-Patriotic Doublespeak Exposed!

I just came back from Fort Sill, Oklahoma, home of Army Artillery and the arrival of the 1/17th Field Artillery, Alpha Company Battery. My son, Sergeant Nick Marshall, is finally home from Iraq after a one-year deployment. It’s been a long year for my wife and I and all those who have prayed for his safety, not to play down Nick’s own discomforts and danger. ”Sarnt” Nick now wears the Purple Heart, an Army Commendation medal, Combat Action Badge and a couple of scars as a reminder of his year in Iraq. He is a hometown hero, just like every Baytown Soldier, Marine, Sailor or Airman who is serving/served his or her country with honor.

What I saw at Fort Sill was a military that is second to none. All around me were soldiers of the highest standards, who exhibit professionalism I did not (by a wide margin) experience in my Vietnam-era service. Men and women wear their uniforms with pride and carry themselves in a manner that should make every American proud. I was in awe.

The bumper…

Greatest Southern Rock Band?

Which band truly deserves the title “Greatest Southern Rock band of all time”? I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am going to get drug over the coals for this column, but I’m going to tackle this difficult subject anyway.Looking through an Internet list of eligible “Southern Rock bands”, which includes Michigander Kid Rock and Los Angeles’ Creedence Clearwater Revival, I narrowed it down to eight contenders.Allman Brothers Band, Black Oak Arkansas, Charlie Daniels Band, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Marshall Tucker Band, Molly Hatchet, The Outlaws, & Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.If Creedence Clearwater Revival wasn’t from LA, they would probably be number one just on lyrics alone.The eight bands I chose are based on my individual listening observation and not on a book or a Rolling Stone Magazine poll.I’m sure I’ve left a band off that for the moment escapes me and for that, I ask forgiveness.ZZ Top was not considered because they are straight up Texas boogie.No argument there.For me…

Don't celebrate with gunfire

Fact: A 7mm Magnum bullet launched under optimum conditions will travel almost 5 miles.

This New Year’s Eve, someone in the Baytown area decided, for some ignorant reason, to celebrate the incoming year by firing a gun into the air, maybe more than once. I guess they never gave it a serious thought, or the probability the bullet would not land harmlessly in a field somewhere.

Maybe the next time that character decides to celebrate a holiday by firing a gun into the air, the bullet will fall through their windshield and then they can “figger it all out.”

I do not want anyone hurt, even the uneducated person firing the gun. I’m giving this person the benefit of the doubt, calling them ignorant and uneducated, because no educated person would willingly fire a bullet into the hemisphere where people live.

Fact: A .22 long rifle bullet can travel up to a mile and a half when shot into the air.

A couple of years ago, I found a 9mm bullet stuck in a shingle on my roof. It must have been fired aro…

The Saddam - Osama Connection

Radical Islam is after world conquest and Bin Laden is at the top of the leadership structure. Anyone not of his/their flavor of Islam is the enemy or helping the enemy pollute Islam. This is why Islamic Jihadists attack other Moslems and even the Arabic leadership structure. The WorldTradeTowers were the epitome of Globalization and Capitalism, something the radicals view as Satanic. It was a natural target. The Taliban government in Afghanistan openly supported and trained insurgents and that is why we attacked their country. We gave them an ultimatum after 9-11 and they snubbed their nose at us.Saddam Hussein wasn't religious and openly persecuted Shiite Moslems and Kurds. He was a thug and a criminal, using his power as a warlord. The Sunni Moslems embraced his Baathist government and since they are not fundamentalist in the practice of their religion, he did not perceive them as a threat. He persecuted Iraqi Shiites, claiming they followed Iran’s religion. He did however actu…