Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Jeep Madness Defined!

Do you know the difference between Jeep madness, Jeep denial, Jeep envy, Jeep lust, and Jeep phobia?

What Is Jeep Madness?
Well...that's a good question. It's a bizarre malady that affects normal individuals, converting them from logical folks to obsessive/compulsives that drive their friends and family crazy. The symptoms vary, but commonly reported items are: extreme nervousness while driving on-road, mindless drivel about 35's and Detroits?!?, uncontrolled spending binges, reduction of vocabulary, a $50.00/month magazine habit, putting a Barbie Doll head on the CB antenna, covering the Jeep with vinyl stickers, parking one tire on the cement parking stop, driving through every mud hole, putting ARB's on the Lawn mower, and refusing to drive the family van.

What Is Jeep Envy?
Jeep Envy is a latent condition that exists, in some form, in everyone. Here's how it surfaces: A guy in a purple Monster Off-road Zephlyer 26 Proto is cruising down a country road and along comes a red 84 CJ Laredo with 35" BFG's. The Zephlyer driver immediately has this nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach, realizing for the thousanth time that, yes, (sob!) "I shoulda bought a Jeep"! This is repeated constantly by the unjeepicated masses as they watch Jeep after Jeep cruise by. Okay, here's another one: This cool looking, 46 year old, bald, overweight dude with a new TJ is happily enjoying all the Jeep envy that is directed at him, when abruptly a lifted YJ rolls up next to him, shattering his delusions of supremacy. This krunk TJ owner grins, waves, and promptly begins plotting to drain his retirement and put it into his rig! Jeep Envy with a healthy dose of Jeep Madness!

What Is Jeep Denial?
Jeep Denial is rampant! I find it hilarious! Haha! All those folks with little pictures in the back window of their trucks of a little guy peeing on other trucks. Sheesh! When you drive up, they start yelling like Marines! FOOORDs rule, or something stupid, like that. Haha! Deep in their hearts, they know a MacDaddy when they see one. Sometimes I pull up to a redlight next to one of those deny'ers and a big ol' grin sneaks onto my face...allovasudden, I hear those tires start to squeal as that big tire'd rig goes scootin' off tryin' to get away..., it's the bomb!!!

What Is Jeep Lust?
Jeep Lust!!! Really! This is the affliction that I love to encounter. "Hey! Is that your Jeep? Wow! It's really nice! I'm going to get me one". Oh, yea! Seems like a coupla times a week! Haha! Gotta love those folks that know!

What Is Jeep Phobia?
Jeep phobia! Oh my Gaw! This pitiful condition culminates after a nefarious off-brand driving 4 wheeler, gets stuck AND has been guilty of trash talking Jeeps! Haha! I always warn these critters to watch what they say concerning Jeeps, cause there WILL come a time when they will suffer Jeep Phobia! Waaa! Here comes a Jeep to pull me out...waaa! This is why you never see a little guy peeing on a Jeep in a pickup's rear window. They have the fear, all right!

This article is from my original writings I posted on the now defunct which Chrysler's lawyers forced me to terminate about 12 years ago.

1 comment:

Bonney Bwire said...

I am not prone to jeep mania but I have experienced the phobia sometimes during my rides. great piece though!


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